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How do you like my story? Topic: Descriptive writing about the sun setting
November 20, 2019 / By Rubina
Question: I just wrote this for fun, feel free to hate it or enjoy it. (In case you're wondering, I did write a Pt. 2). Thanks. The cat woke with a start, how many hours had passed? Surely she'd been out all day. Yet the sun, she's still in the middle of the sky. "Don't tell me I slept for 2 days.." exclaimed the weary kitten. "I better get off, the day is coming to an end, all the good prey shall be off to their burrows." The cat unfurled and relaxed into some simple stretches, before heading off into the valley. The she-cat was weary, it had been many seasons since she had seen her mate, or any other cat for that matter. If she wanted to continue she would need nourishment, and quick. Slowly she picked up the scent of multiple creatures, some beetles, some weasels, yet among the bushes she hinted a squirrel, instinctively she dropped down and stalked toward the scent. She neared the bush and the scent had quickly become overwhelming, as if it were already melting in her mouth. She moved through the thicket, and then it dawned on her, the squirrel had just recently died, and by the looks of it, it was one of "them"... She narrowed her eyes and let out a hiss then slowly backed off into the bramble. She hoped it hadn't been nearby, for now she'd have to get away. "I'll find a bird or such later" the she-cat desperately tried to convince herself. The day stretched on as she moved along the valley always alert, but her hunger was such a heavy burden it dragged at her as deadweight. As the sun become moon, and clouds became stars, she realized her pads were bloodied and clotted long ago. "The least I can do is drink.." said the cat, hurriedly she scampered off toward a rushing stream and gladly licked up a few droplets of water before curling up into a ball and closing her eyes, once again. She slept soundfully until her waking, she had desperately needed some good rest. "Maybe today... maybe, maybe I'll find my mate..." she looked dreamily, deep in thought as the sun peeked out beyond the horizon. Today was a better day then the previous, she had managed to find a mole digging for grubs, lazily, and a sparrow who had gone for seeds. As her hunger had gradually subsided she set off once again for the sunrise, hoping, hoping for the slightest sign of the others... She had lived among her mate and her 2 kits, both with wondrous orange fur, just as their mother, their father a dark grey had gone hunting one morning, but had never returned, as the she-cat set off to find him, she found only blood... and ... them. They were horrible beings with a silver, sleek coat, completely shiny, they looked similar to the humanoids... but they weren't, they preyed on cats and humanoids alike, such a frightening scene to see these beings carry life away on their birds. "Ahh, I got to stop that... I have to stop imagining that, again, and again." the cat had said to herself. She drifted off somewhat, half alive, half asleep, dazing into nothing... then she heard it. It was like nothing she had ever heard before, a sort of roar and whine, it started off subtly and eventually grew into a scream. It was terrible, but she somehow knew what was happening... she had heard stories of such things, but never witnessed it... until now. The ground shook and the cat looked around in horror, the sky had turned to fire, hundreds upon hundreds of them were stalking the field, she froze.... and then it happened, one of them had spotted her..... Thanks for your input. This is just my writing style, somewhat nonchalant (maybe even lethargic) but descriptive.
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Nelda Nelda | 1 day ago
One of the first stories I've heard from the Cat's perspective. It's lacking in attention grabbing, especially at the very beginning. You seem to try and squish as much information about the Cat's life as possible, when you should of done it a bit later to keep the reader going. Liiiiike, write about it finding the bodies and THEN start the life story.. Oh and what was the silvery thing? It creeped me out as it reminded me of those dogs in I Am Legend...... O_o
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Nelda Originally Answered: Looking for honest opinions on my story synopsis for my story called "DARK TEMPTATION." Its a romance?
Wow, kind of long but I totally love it. I sounds like one of those novels writer Brenda Jackson, or other harlequin romance writers write. I think you should try and publish it, it'll make an interesting book.
Nelda Originally Answered: Looking for honest opinions on my story synopsis for my story called "DARK TEMPTATION." Its a romance?
I would say it is a romance but it is a little too cheesy at times. Mecca and Mika are too closely related names and could easily get confused. I say that they should get married on a secluded island or on his home team basketball court.

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